4 More Bodies Added to the Clinton Crime Family Death Count

The Clintons are under the microscope again after the coroner in Muskrat County, Mississippi identified four bodies found in an abandoned mine shaft as former Clinton campaign aides.

The four young women were last seen campaigning for Clinton and Gore in Gulfport’s Biloxi district in 1988. They attended a rally with then-Senator Clinton, left for an after-party together and were never seen again — until yesterday.

The abandoned mine shaft was discovered while The CW was filming their version of “It.” The property used to belong to Bill and Hillary Clinton. They purchased it a month before the girls went missing and sold it for a loss less than a month later. According to their official records, they never used it for anything or even stepped foot there.

According to the coroner, the girls were most likely lured away from the campaign trail with promises of a wild night of bloogies and sax solos. They showed signs of eating undercooked shrimp, which would have made their deaths excruciating. He estimates the women were in the shaft for at least 30 years.

The Clintons refuse to answer any questions, insisting that they weren’t campaigning at the time and that Bill was never a Senator, which doesn’t really matter anyway. We know he’s guilty.

About Flagg Eagleton 132 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.