Nancy Pelosi Escorted Out of White House After Showing Up ‘Too Drunk to Speak’

Sources inside the White House in a position to neither confirm nor deny most reports have confirmed the latest about Nancy Pelosi’s drunken excursion just minutes ago. Lawrence Darrel and his brother, Darryl, both senior aides to Lead Speech Writer Sandy Batt, say they saw Pelosi escorted out by Secret Service after showing up “so drunk she could hardly speak.” Darryl told our reporter in the field:

“Nancy came in and tried to say some things but just kept making that face. And there was like…this clicking noise. Then she fell down and it looked like maybe she peed a little.

Secret security was all over her right quick and them guys tossed her like a bad habit.”

Pelosi was left standing on the South Lawn, where she thought approaching Marine One would be a good idea. The chopper’s pilot had to stop her with physical restraints — a zip tie — and escort her past the property line. The White House has revoked her credentials and asked her office to please make an appointment in the future.

Pelosi has a long history of drunken excursions covered up by the liberal press, who like to send their “fact-checkers” to see if a story is true.

They call her office, her office denies everything and the next thing you know, some poor shlep on Facebook selling garbage to potatoes can’t reach his audience.

Thanks, Obama.

About Flagg Eagleton 91 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.