Hunters Report ‘Best Season Ever’ After Trump Removes Obama Restrictions

After President Trump lifted his restrictions on trophy hunting, a bounty of trophies and exotic meats from around the globe have come pouring into America. At home and abroad, the era of “don’t shoot it if there aren’t a whole bunch of them” is over.

This is a fat turd and some kid who now thinks killing a lion is a good thing. Turd.

President Trump made it very clear when he had Art Tubolls, Director of Information and Propaganda, release a statement. Tubolls told a source who may or may not work outside the White House:

“We’ve never had so many happy people. Not only can you now bring the lion’s head home, you can also bring the meat. Families with save thousands by stocking their freezers with hippo, rhino, and water buffalo.”

 

Democrats were quick to point out that only “wealthy” people can go on expensive hunts for huge game. Senator Stuart Boll (D-Maine) told The View:

“How does a working family save money by bringing home an elephant, exactly? Just…think about that. Take all the time you need.”

That giraffe was reportedly wanted for the murder of more than 360K leaves. Police estimate that hundreds of trees had been victimized.

Tubolls was quick to point out that the restrictions are also local:

“No longer are there rules for ‘humane’ hunting and trapping. The Constitution says that God gave us dominion over the land. If you want to go out and hunt Grizzly with a barrel full of day old donuts — that’s your divine right.”

The restrictions removed allows people in rural areas to basically hunt what they want. On outfit in Florida is taking advantage and offering manatee excursions for well under $1K. The best part? You get to keep the meat. A single kill could feed your family for five years. Visit their Facebook Page:

What we know for sure is that all of this means we are in control again. If you want to go out and poison your squirrels or set raccoons on fire, have at it. Trump is all for reducing our carbon footprint by having commoners eat vermin. It really is the way it should be. Liberals can stay in their cities and eat rats and we’ll pluck spotted owls and Florida panthers off until we’re full.

About Flagg Eagleton 98 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.