It’s a sad day in Georgia history over at Stone Mountain. The monument of southern heroes Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee, and good ol’ boy Stonewall Jackson was carved onto the side of the mountain to really show those racist liberals who’s boss in the peach state.
Last night, “activists” scaled Stone Mountain and used picks to hack at the historical icons that have been in place since 1872. It is reported that Jefferson Davis’ eyes have considerable damage. Robert E. Lee now appears as cleanly shaven as a newborn baby and Stonewall Jackson lost three fingers and they gave him a unibrow.
Even worse, one of these people even chipped off his horse Blackjack’s ears. HIS EARS! Davidson Jeffers of McMullen Historical Volunteer Society says:
“They even went after the horses. THE HORSES! It’s one thing to disrespect the
racistheroes who made Alabama who we are today. But, to go after the horses, well that’s just barbaric. This is who we are dealing with.”
McMullen PD says they have staged a massive manhunt in the foothills of the mountain for the perpetrators. They are asking all of the local women to please make sandwiches and send sun tea. Manhunting makes you thirsty.
A candlelight vigil is scheduled tonight. Organizers are asking that everyone please wear white to honor the significance of this historical place. They have put out instructions on Pinterest on how to modify white bedsheets for the official vigil remembrance attire. A religious bonfire is also scheduled.
Refreshments of pie and sweet tea will be served immediately following the ceremony. Bring the kids. There will be bounce houses and pony rides.